QANTAS: Double points and Christmas treats. Bah Humbug!

Oh joy, here is Qantas, jumping on the festive bandwagon with their flashy Christmas livery and yultide themed gimmicks. It’s not enough that we have to endure the chaos of holiday travel; now we have to put up with planes named ‘Dasher-8’ and ‘Roo-dolph’ cluttering the skies. Whoopee.

Festive double points

As if double points will make sitting in a cramped seat more bearable, Qantas rolls out these, wait for it, while I vomit a bit in my mouth— ‘surprise and delight’ initiatives. Spare me. And what’s the deal with a freight plane decked out as ‘Santa’s Freight’? Is this supposed to make delayed packages more acceptable?

Christmas fancies

The airline is also rolling out some holiday ‘enhancements’ to the travel experience. Seasonal menus and revamped lounges, all designed to squeeze a bit more joy out of the weary traveler. Neil Perry’s dishes sound fancy, but let’s be honest, it’s still airline food.

The Flying Kangaroo’s beer overhaul seems more like an attempt to distract you from the crowded lounge your in, waiting for a delayed flight. Have a ginger beer (now that would be delicious and Noël like), and pretend you’re not surrounded by holiday chaos.

Alternately a Bloody Mary (a drink that is suitable for every time of the day, including breakfast) to mask the turbulence and a Qantas Aviation Spritz (created by Curatif using Four Pillars Rare Dry Gin and Regal Rogue Daring Dry) to pretend the cramped economy seat is somehow luxurious. Cheers to that if you’re in Economy or Premium Economy.

As Christmas draws near, Qantas is pulling out all the stops with traditional festive fare and a signature Christmas cocktail, which will somehow make the travel madness charming. Will it be Northern Hemisphere, with turkey and plum pudding with brandy sauce, or Australian, like a prawn cocktail and a slice of pavlova?

Qantas also includes ‘Airport activations’, so expect small choirs singing carols and surprise gifts for travellers?

You can also get your pair of Christmas-themed PJs from the First Class lounge desk. Smile and remember to say thank you.

Festive treats in the air and on the ground

Here is the detail of what you will be served during the holidays, according to class of travel and the lounge access you have:

INFLIGHT MENU

First

• Tasting plate of saltbush-crusted goat’s cheese, lamb prosciutto, dukkah olives, piccalilli and bush tomato relish with pepper leaf and parmesan lavash
• Seared Glacier 51 toothfish with sugar snap peas, snow peas and lemon served with Hojiblanca extra virgin olive oil
• Extra virgin olive oil pannacotta with toasted almond praline

Business

• Vegetable rendang curry with fragrant rice, cashews and spicy pickles
• Roast chicken thigh cutlet with charred broccolini, feta, olive and almond dressing
• Braised lamb shoulder with rosemary potatoes, honey-glazed carrots and minted peas

LOUNGE MENU—SUMMER & CHRISTMAS FOOD AND BEVERAGE HIGHLIGHTS

First Lounge

• Breakfast salad—quinoa, roast tomatoes with avocado, poached egg and corn, pepita and chilli salsa
• Salad of buffalo mozzarella with heirloom tomatoes, basil, balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil

All Lounges

Festive treats — turkey rolls, fruit mince pies, Christmas-themed gingerbread and ice-creams

Qantas Christmas Cocktail—a spritz of vodka, cherry brandy, and strawberry syrup, plus crystallized ginger and mint

2PAXfly Takeout — Bah Humbug!

Cynics would say that’s all about as original as a fruitcake with festive treats to distract from the reality of holiday air travel and being away from home and family.

I was going to be heading off to Noumea with Qantas, so I would have been able to sample all of this food and beverage first-hand in the First Lounge. But given the troubles in New Caledonia, I’ve cancelled that option and will now spend my time in a Virgin Australia lounge before heading off to Ballina/Byron.