I didn’t think I was a secret amenity pack hoarder with a problem until I opened my Amenity Pack Storage Facility.

One of the nice parts of flying towards the front of the plane is the amenity packs the airlines give you. It’s like a gift-with-purchase – you think you are getting something for free, but in fact you have paid a very high price for not very much.

Still its always nice to receive them, with the strange expectation that there will be some surprise, when in fact the contents are invariably the same: socks, eyeshades, moisturiser, earplugs, a comb/brush you will never use, a toothbrush and paste, which you will, and lip balm. Ok, I think that just about sums it up. Oh, once I got hand sanitiser which I now think should be an essential. Another time I got a sticker to put in an obvious place that said ‘Wake me up for Duty Free’ – as if!

Usually the moisturiser, toothpaste and lip-balm are from some cosmetics company you have never heard of, or are so niche, that no one else has, unless you read those little paragraphs under pictures in  product spreads in groovy magazines like Monocle, or Wallpaper, or high priced financial publications like the Australian Financial Review’s ‘Life and Leisure’ pull out.

A famous ‘Parfums’ brand or micro-niche? Still you can see this is well worn, to the point of its faux suede actually disintegrating.

The products also seem to be packaged for a race of very small people. You go to use the moisturiser, and find there is so little, that you can only moisturise half your face. Or – as I discovered, a regular sized lip balm, but that only had about a quarter of the ‘stick’ that you get when you pay actual cash money for the product.

My point is, I seem to have developed a bit of a problem. I have become an amenity pack hoarder.

You see when I get home after a trip, I usually empty out the packs, and store what is useful – the moisturiser, the toothbrushes, the lip balm. I either use them in my normal life (the lip balm) or use them when I travel (the toothpaste). I used to hold on to the things I don’t even need – but after finding that I had a drawer full of fold up brush/comb thingies still in their plastic bags, I decided that they needed to go to a better home: bulk recycling.

But for some reason I find it really difficult to let go of the actual bags.

A few chargers and plug adaptors. I also have one which contains Apple product rechargers and every-country-in-the-world power plugs.

Now unlike the comb/brush thingies, the bags do actually have some uses. Some can be used as overflow wet packs for other travel. Some to house annoying electronics ephemera. Some you can give to small children, who value them like fairy talismans, but that still leaves me with a cupboard full.

Maybe I should have a garage/yard sale of them? People have paid money for stranger things.

What is the collective noun for a group of amenity packs?

A Hostess? A flight? A left turn?

Did I mention that there is a prize for the best collective noun, and the best suggested use?